Season 2 Episode 2: Fly fishing for the soul with Chad Brown

Episode transcript

Sarah: Outside Voices Podcast is presented by Resource Media, a communications organization working to drive social change. We help expand your reach and change the hearts and minds of individuals. Learn how our social issue strategies help your voices get heard. And check us out at www.resource-media.org

[MUSIC] You're listening to Outside Voices Podcast. We're using our outside voices to redefine what it means to spend time outside and connect to nature. I'm your host, Sarah Shimazaki. Let's get started.

Chad: This fish, it was a salmon just a jack salmon. And I would never forget that day because when I looked in, it was like this just jolt of nature's electricity that just kind of like charged my soul. And I just was the loudest person in that entire area of yelling, hooting and hollering all over the place and I would never forget that energy and that excitement. It felt like it was pushing all of that medication that I was taking out of my pores at the same time. And I was actually feeling the air just the wind brushing against my cheek.

Tariq: Hey, everyone. This episodes about fly fishing and how the outdoor activity can be used as a metaphor to describe dismantling systemic racism. Didn't see that one coming? Well, we'll get there. But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. My name is Tariq. And I'm recording this from the other side of the country from Sarah in Lenape territory, or Philadelphia. Sarah and I work together at resource media, the nonprofit social change communications firm that produces Outside Voices. I'm excited to come on board as a co-host and co-producer for season two, which is exclusively amplifying black stories. I'm also excited to share my own perspectives as a Black creative, and communications professional. Before we get into it, I do want to note as a content warning that this episode includes depictions of self harm and suicide.

First of all a little about me. My backgrounds in journalism, live music, restaurants and group workouts are some of my favorite weekend activities pre-COVID. Wow, that feels like it was a million years ago. Lately, I've been jogging a lot with my running groups here in Philly. They're connected through an app. I like exploring parks with friends and beaches, my favorite place when it's hot out. Now, these outdoor spaces give me a chance to let loose and have fun. They genuinely make me happy. Usually I have a great time but sometimes it's hard outdooring while Black. Honestly, white people can be hostile in parks. We saw this earlier this year with the Christian Cooper incident in Central Park and the killing of a Ahmaud Arbery who was outside for a jog. I can access outdoor spaces but I know there are plenty Black and brown folks who don't have the means to or simply don't feel welcome. Chad Brown is trying to change this. The fly fishing veteran, originally from Texas but now living in Portland, Oregon, is working to make the outdoors more equitable. Speaking with Chad was a great experience. He's full of wild stories and he cares deeply about his mission as a mentor and advocate. I was struck by what nature has meant to Chad at each stage of his life, too. I hope you enjoy listen in the chat as much as I did. So, buckle up for the trip. First, we're taking a ride down to the Lone Star state.

Chad: My childhood upbringing, I come from a family line of farmers and hunters and also educators and on my father's side, my grandfather and and everybody. They were all hunters and farmers ranchers basically. So my dad would bring me up, I’d spend my time in the summer out on the ranch with my dad and my grandpa and sometimes they'll leave me with my grandpa, my grandpa and we would hunt deer. We weren't a sustenance family but we brought what we kill. We brought that to the table. My grandpa taught me how to scan a jackrabbit to scan the deer. And my grandma was there, a hard working woman who was always in the garden. We had a lot of vegetables planted in the garden and green beans my grandma would pick green beans and we spent a lot of time on the ranch and doing a lot of different things. Feeding the pigs and helping with the the cattle bringing the cattle in and helping my grandpa getting cattle ready to take to the auction block.

Tariq: As someone who's never gone hunting nor raise cattle, Chad's upbringing is definitely interesting and very different from my own. One thing Chad and I do have in common, though, are the big family reunions we'd have with food, plenty of laughs outside, right. For me, though, outside in the burbs of Philly involve the playground, riding bikes, playing basketball and stuff like that, right. Chad? Well, his dad and grandpa used to wrestle bulls. How cool is that? This story about a deer that Chad's father and granddad came across stuck with me. It's like a movie.

Chad: I wasn't on a hunt. But my father was on a hunt. him and his father, which is my grandpa, and they were on a hunt together on the land. And they came across a deer and the deer was dead, you know, a mother deer and the baby fawn, was like laying right next to the deer. And my dad picked the fawn up and brought the fawn home. And here was I'm the only kid around the block in an urban neighborhood walk around the deer with a dog leash around his neck. And so that was my pet growing up. So yeah, it was kind of crazy. When mom and dad got separated and end up going to the city and that's when things kind of changed with me was living in the city more and I brought that deer with me in the city. And so literally here I am living in a urban neighborhood and I got a I have full grown deer living in my closet and I had a really interesting upbringing, you know, really close to the land, a lot of awesome stories that my father would tell my father was a camper, backpacker, also hunter Rand Paul storyteller and hunter farmer. Yeah, come from a really good strong family line. And my great grandfather was I should say that ties to my grandfather was one of the last black cowboys down in Texas through my grandpa's line going down the family line. And you look at the images and stuff is a bunch of Black cattlemen. So I have a lot of good memories that my grandpa used to take me to, that would happen once a year in Texas to the Black rodeos. So I would go out and I would watch my cousins they would get on their horses and get on the bulls and they would ride them, run the circuit basically.

Tariq: Let's unpack this a little because Chad's upbringing on a ranch in Texas is actually really important and historically significant. According to the Smithsonian, one in four cowboys is Black. Yet, when I look at cowboys and pop culture, I don't see people look like Chad and I. The way I understand it is while white Texas, our interests fought for the Confederacy and the Civil War. They actually relied on enslave black folks to maintain their land and cattle herds. As a result, Black folks developed skills of cattle tending that would render them invaluable to the Texas cattle industry in the post war era. Working as a cowboy was one of the few jobs available for men of color outside of the service industry. We included a link to an article that dives into this history more and it's worth a read. It definitely added more richness to my understanding of Chad, who as he mentioned, is a descendant of one of the last Black cowboys in Texas.

Anyway, when Chad left home for college, he found himself without enough resources to pay for his education. Since his parents were also not in a position to support him financially. Chad ended up leaving school and joining the military.

Chad: The military raise me up more as an adult, it gave me a like more hard work ethic and morals. I definitely have a love and hate. There's things that comes along with that program that you don't want to be part of. And you don't have options like I don't want to be part of those are not the options anymore. And you have to go with the program you got to move forward you know and be part of the program under any circumstance necessary or you find a way to fight within any circumstance by necessary. And you survive by any circumstance by necessary in those kind of situations, you physically may take on something that you don't need or you mentally may take on something. I’ve been in 14 different countries and was in the last phase of the Desert Storm and also Desert Shield and I was also in operation restore hope. And I learned a lot, seen a lot and I was part of a lot and it goes down to: I joined because I was wanting to get the GI Bill stuff and go back to college

Tariq: after leaving the military, Chad found success in photography. He traveled the world and led teams as an art director. Chad's broad skill set helped him establish what he likes to call the professional hustle and flow.

Chad: I've got my life plan out. These are my goals. This is what I'm going to do. This is my short term goals. These my long term goals, I was a planner. And I met every goal, every goal, every goal, and then it got to a point in my life where I had this mental breakdown of you know, disease, which I didn't understand what I was fighting with was PTSD. But it completely dismantled me and robbed me from everything. Basically, I lost everything, everything you could think of bank accounts, everything. I found myself on the streets. Many, many years later on the streets in Portland, I survived, done everything I had to do to dumpster dive in behind McDonald's just to get food to showing up in blood lines to tweeze a pint of blood to get $20. Every Monday, every Thursday showed up. I had a routine down. Yeah, it was a really weird state of where I was at. Never thought that it was going to affect my life. I never thought it would even happened to me. It did a number of things. Like while I did this, I've been all over the world. hold these degrees. I've done all that and just what has happened and everything. I've completely lost everything and too ashamed to go home. And so I had a choice. My mom wanted me to come home and I didn't go home because I was just too ashamed of where I was living. There was times I was found myself living right at the bridge in Portland it’s kind of crazy. When I'm driving and I got my girlfriend a car and she has completely No idea. And I would point things out to her. And she was like, oh my god. So I was drinking a lot of strong meds. And then I think they also did a number of mean too much for point one day I found myself on the river and he's about to, you know, take my life and was so strung out on heavy medications I blacked out and found myself up at the VA.

Tariq: Chad spent a week in a VA psych ward where he was heavily medicated. His days were heavy and haze filled until a friend persuaded him to tag along for some fly fishing.

Chad: Here I am strung on heavy meds maybe two days after that episode. I mean, after we had come out of the hospital, I mean the VA. and took me to the river and said, Chad, this is where I used to come fish when I was going to my divorce. And I'm standing about drugged up with meds. I can't even feel the wind. I can't even smile. I can't even dream. If I’m looking at you, it's like 1000 yard stare and I'm looking through you, I'm not even aware that you even talking to me. I was like slurring them in my words. And I was like, how do you get into this bah, bah bah, you know, and there was a fishermen's shop right behind me. And we walked over there, walked out with a really cheap fly rod and some flies and started casting out and didn't know anything about casting. And so I just kind of flopped it out there and did a couple times and and I hooked it on this this fish. It was a salmon, just a jack salmon. And I would never forget that day because when I hooked in, it was like this just jolt of nature's electricity that just kind of like charged my soul. And I just was the loudest person in that entire area of yelling, hooting and hollering all over the place. I would never forget that energy and that excitement. It felt like it was pushing all of that medication that I was taking, out of my pores at the same time. I start putting two and two together, I went back to the docs, the VA and I was like saying this is what makes me feel alive. This is what makes me feel like I'm here, today. And the docs literally wrote me a prescription It was like, well, we're gonna wean you off your meds, as long as you continue with your group therapy and your one on one therapy, but we will wean you off and you continue to fish. And that was kind of like my, my deal that I made, you know with the VA is I will fish more, the more I fish the more they would wean me off and as long as I maintain my group therapy, and that's exactly what I did moving forward. And over the course of time I was off my meds. And the more I start to feel alive, the more I start to feel like I'm into this place of being strong my mind my body and everything like that, then I became really good. My community changed in my community It was a mix of hunters and anglers, conservation people, became a people all over again, to these folks that came into my life. They took me under their wing and taught me deeper ways of looking at things and changing my lens. And how we see things environmentally, how we go after certain fish. It's not just always catching fish, but it's more like getting into the theater of Mother Nature, waiting in the water, understanding the courage, the direction of what's happening, understanding the the insect aquatic life that's happening, you know, the span of the life, how to manipulate nature through art, and bringing those insects into a form of art, to recreate that on a hook. And to manipulate that to trick fish to go after that, how to cast and learn how to use your casting as a part of nature's when, and how to manipulate the wind of the line to make the fly looks like it's part of the aquatic life, how to read water, how to understand how to navigate down a river how to move on a boat on a drift boat and understanding how the water is speaking to you on how you need position your boat that keep you from not wrecking your boat. I mean, it was a lot you know, I was like, brought up all over again. And it was like second nature to because my background while I was coming from out of my father taught me being part of the land. But the fishing part wasn't part of that. But the more I was talking with fun hunters and you know, anglers and conservation is you know, it was like the perfect marriage.

Sarah: Hey, y'all, it's me, Sarah. We'll get right back to Chad's story. But first, a little more about Resource Media. A well crafted story captures the imagination, and has the power to inspire action. Resource media helps partners anchor their stories and values, build bridges, mobilize supporters, and drive conversations for social good. Curious about our offerings. We can support your team on multicultural communications, media relations, digital expertise, and ethical storytelling trainings, and more. Learn about how we can collaborate to help ignite your social movement, and get individuals working together to support your cause. Visit us at www.resource-media.org or follow us on Twitter at @Rmedia.

Tariq: Looking for a way to help others, Chad started the nonprofit Soul River, he's been able to share the restorative experience of fly fishing with those who really need it most. I admire Chad’s rebound. Imagine hitting rock bottom, finding discipline that helps you and then going on to help others. His life could have gone a completely different way. But nature, friends and an outdoors community was there to help him, help himself.

Chad: It was circumstance put me in a situation dark circumstance and me finding my demons. And one day when I got to a place where I felt strong, and I was fly fishing before Soul River, I was on the water waiting in the water. And I was feeling strong. I was getting this, this urge of light. And I was like, I'm getting ready this readiness and, and I was feeling ready. I remember I put my, I was holding a ride, I put my hand into the water and I'll just move it around and feeling the water. I said it's time I need to get back into society. Teaching now in using it as a way of building you know, my organization, nonprofit where fly fishing is more of a, to me, It's not about forcing someone to fly fish, It's about using it as a coping mechanism to help serve depression, anxiety, many different type of mental illness, even cancer, but also using it as a way of bringing community together in conversations on the water and learning from one another and becoming much more in tune and sensitive to the environment. The fish is the last thing that you're going after, if you hook in the fish, that just means you're doing everything right. That's it, you know, but yeah.

I knew the power of having a mentor a big brother or even Big Sister knew that power of just having that kind of adult there to help that youth be able to navigate where they are at. And so I started thinking, like, I want to work with youth, I want to connect with youth of color and give them an opportunity. This was during the time that Obama was in office. And it's talking about, you know, not leaving a kid behind, you know, we need to reach out to community and bring more youth into natural spaces and everything Obama was preaching about this, US Fish and wildlife was in that whole space of trying to develop the money to support, you know, smaller micro programs, etc. So, I thought, what better way is to replace that mentor, I'm a veteran. I know what it's like, I served my country. Now it's time for me to serve my youth. And I can connect with other veterans I know who maybe wants to find themselves in that space. And what I found by serving and giving back to youth, it gives me purpose, it gave purpose for me. Today, when I'm talking about youth and veterans, I always say like, it's kind of like an iron sharpens iron process. That veteran gives leadership. Gives community gives confidence, gives direction, gives life experience, that youth in exchange, gives purpose, period. you have a soldier that fought for a country and coming back with many different issues and etc happening. But then, bookmark that you got a kid that's on the inner city, that's also soldier, but they're fighting for their voice, and they're fighting to survive. You bring these two soldiers together, it becomes an iron sharpening iron process.

Crowd shouting: Black Lives Matter! Black Lives Matter! Black Lives Matter!

Tariq: On May 25th of this year, George Floyd's killing at the hands of Minneapolis police sparked a civil uprising across the country in support of Black lives. The outdoor community is just one sector facing a long overdue reckoning. Chad's turning part of his focus as an outdoorsman and mentor towards dismantling systemic racism in the great outdoors. The Fly Fisher wrote about his experiences with racism and called for a substantial change in the essay about the police killing, the process has been deeply personal and public. Like other Black people in America, Chad is processing a lot.

Chad: I can be George. there's a lot of other brothers and sisters of people of color, Indigenous as well. That could be George. It sunk in me for a while. And I was very bothered by that. Because I have also been pulled over by cops. And I guess you can say I've been lucky, you know. And the more I thought about that, the more it bothered me to where it kind of screwed my thought process of, of me feeling anxious, stepping outside. I’ve been shot at, warning shot went off second shot, miss me and they yell nigger in the air in a natural environment. I can never really understand why would someone not just do, act like that. But it's not just saying “get off of my river, nigger.” What I get caught up on is the word “my”. The sense of ownership. the N word- been there done that. But that word “my” in this sense of ownership is is really disturbing. really disturbing. And that bothers me. Because, when we talk about public lands, and our freshwater, you know, that's for everybody. If you want to talk about ownership, then you probably need to go back and look really real deep at some Indigenous communities that's actually owns this land. And this is their way period. You're dealing with the same hate that's in the urban world that's rolling itself into the outdoor world. And being in outdoor world. That's where it's supposed to feel safe, but at the same time, it actually has a really, really nice marriage of hate out there because that hate and that mindset works really, really well with the history of the land, the history of indigenous people, the history of slaves. Now we're talking about a generational fear that's happening.

It's complicated and it takes a lot of work and what What we can do, of course, first steps is creating the promise of a new mission statement, which you find a lot of organizations and companies doing, they're putting in from the public. But there's more that needs to get done before. You know, when you when you do that a lot, much more. We're talking about changing the board of directors, of organizations and companies, and the diversifying that right, LGBTQ community for folks need to be sitting there. Indigenous people need to be sitting there, Hispanic, African American people, we need to be making changes with them. And then we kind of create our action steps. But we don't find a solution for people of color, what we do is we bring leaders in from different communities, and bring them into the space and let's collaborate together and develop action plans together. Right? That way. You got two folks or a group of people that are now starting to take ownership into these action steps. And now, when you take ownership, you can hold one another accountable to what you're trying to accomplish. And your mission.

It's not about the white savior mentality that we're going to come into your world, hey, we got a solution. No, that's not an action step. That's not how you execute. You know, it's about, let's find a few leaders in the community that are tied to various organizations in the conservation world, our youth groups, let's go in and listen and hear where they are at and what's going on. Let's take our notes. And then let's, How about we'll invite them into, into our space. And let's continue to listen. And let's collaborate. And let's say make an offer, not a solution, but maybe an offer and say, we would like to work with you.

Tariq: Dismantling systemic racism, the great outdoors and beyond might be a little like fly fishing. Intense preparation combined with an eye for the changing current and endurance. Reform takes time. A lot of it.

Chad: it's a lot of work. It's not 100 yard dash, and when I'm talking about is prepping to run a marathon. In order to run a marathon, you got to have the right exercise of folks are training involved. And those exercises that starts off with how you show up and how you work in developed and connect with people of color in various communities, and build that and those exercises become the training ground of preparation to run a long marathon in the mission of making change.

Tariq: The outdoors help Chad learn as a child and an adult. It brought him out of the lowest point of his life and saved him. Now, nature is helping him teach others and uplift. Staying connected to the outdoors is helping Chad lead a fulfilling life. He's pushing to make sure every person of color can enjoy what's helped him throughout his journey. And I'm inspired by his story. Personally, I'm waiting for him to write his book already. His life reminds me to look to nature for help when you need it. I know more patient, centered person when I get fresh air. I feel better after going for a long run. But racism is ruining that for a lot of people. The outdoors can be expensive because of transportation, fancy gear permits, you name it. White people can also make the space on welcoming. I want people who look like me to be able to access the outdoors and enjoy themselves. Black people enjoying the outdoors is a punch line for a lot of folks. Really it shouldn't be. Black people have a history in the outdoors. Chad comes from a long line of cowboys and hunters. Black farmers and explorers have a rich history here in the US. Chad's mission makes me hopeful that more Black people can reclaim the outdoors. It's a resource that should be shared freely.

[OUTRO MUSIC]

Tariq: Thanks for listening to the podcast. We really appreciate your continued support as we amplify Black voices this season. Our logo and cover art was designed by Brooklyn Belle. Our music was performed by Olivia Van Damme and produced by Jamison Blue Steigmeyer. All credits, links and resources can be found on our website www.outsidevoicespodcast.com You can also follow us on Instagram @OutsideVoicesPodcast

All right. Well, that's all from us. We'll catch you later.

Sarah: Resource Media is proud to present Outside Voices Podcast. It's part of our long term commitment to amplifying the stories of Black, Indigenous and people of color, and diversifying public support for conservation and outdoor recreation. We're dedicated to creating stories and leveraging communications in pursuit of sustainability, health, equity, and justice. Let's work together www.resource-media.org